We were trying so hard

Therefore, every help to salvation bestowed upon believers, and blessedness itself, are entirely the gift of God, and yet in both the Lord testifies that he takes account of works, since to manifest the greatness of his love toward us, he thus highly honors not ourselves only, but the gifts, which he has bestowed upon us.
– John Calvin

Pictures piled from the pre-digital dump
ten moments within the same 30 seconds of opening a plastic toy, itself long missing
hoping to commemorate the milestone we’d arrived at – the eighth, or the nineth,
for the younger, or older boy? All forgotten.

No picture as good as what we can do with a smartphone now,
much less with the Canon EOS, even though it’s ten years old
and I never did get the lens I wanted.

The boys posing; my clicking on the right moment –
We were trying so hard. I think I’m getting wiser
but it’s just the fire dying – less fuel for the drive,
since I know now I’ll never succeed in so many things.

The things our parents wanted, what our church
wanted us to be, all the striving. All the wasted time.

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